Your actions today have compelled me to write this letter. I think you need to hear things from my perspective, my story … if only to stop you from repeating these savage acts.
Today, myself and 2 of my fellow Magnum buddies arrived at the display freezer in Morrisons. We knew what would become of us, we’d discussed it at length and dare I say joked about it. We knew we’d end up discarded in a bin following a chocolatey Ice cream nom fest. But we had time on our side!…. or so we thought. We were a pack of 3!! PACK OF 3!!! Once purchased we normally have a good few days in us at least. But no, oh no. We barely even saw your freezer. One after the other my two Magnum friends were devoured. It was like you had never been fed before… chocolate flaking off in all directions, Ice cream barely having time to endure the warm air… it was a massacre!
What is wrong with you woman?! I mean SERIOUSLY. You cannot use the excuse ‘It was a warm day’ and it sure as hell wasn’t medisonal. Take up a new hobby….down some wine and play online Bingo. I mean, come on. We weren’t even the mini packs you animal!
Do we live in a world where eating 2 Magnums in one sitting is acceptable? Is life really that stressful that you cannot get through the day without inhaling your daily intake of calories within 20 minutes?
For now, all I can do is plead. Plead with the weather Gods to make Winter come early. And wait. Wait for my time to come. If I make it through the evening, I’ll eat my own stick.
PS. You have some on your chin.
*In association with Chit Chat Bingo *