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Cutting corners

It’s verging on 10 months now since the separation. A lot has happened in that time, more than I could have ever imagined; some epic lows and some indescribable highs. Although I feel a lot more positive about how my life has changed, I’m also accepting that some things may always induce that heavy feeling of falling short. To name a few…

I hate cutting corners.

I hate that sometimes I’m too exhausted to read to my son before bed.

I hate opting for easier, less nutritious meals because they’re quicker to cook and require less washing up after.

I hate that my laundry routine now revolves around when they are being packed off to their dads.

I hate that when I’m at the very end of my tether with the kids there’s no one to jump in and give them the time and patience they deserve.

I hate that Eleanor will never remember living with her dad.

I hate that I look forward to time to myself and then I struggle to enjoy it when it comes.

I hate that Christmas now seems less, erm, Christmassy.

I hate the word co-parenting.

I hate schedules.

I hate going out and seeing families together.

I hate worrying about one of them hurting themselves when I’m alone.

I hate the feeling of struggling and the fact it rules my confidence as a mother.

I hate being in charge of finances when I mostly haven’t a clue what I’m doing.

Most of all, I hate that I feel hate.

Admittedly not the most positive of blog posts but this is the reality, warts and all. However, even given the above struggles which are just off the top of my head, I don’t want you reading this and thinking I’m about to fall apart. That’s not the case, in fact far from it. In all honesty, I’m actually stronger than I’ve ever been because of the above struggles. Plus, it helps when you’re surrounded by thoughts of a very happy future – and I have one particular person to thank for that – you can make of that what you will. ٭big cheesy grin٭

Successful mothers are not the ones who have never struggled .They are the ones who never give up, despite the struggles .

– Sharon Jaynes

 


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2 Comments

  1. This actually sounds like a pretty balanced post to me, and I’m glad there are happy things in the future.

  2. wvery day you are winning. Parenting is hard enough and on your own is really hard. Don’t regret cutting corners- we ALL do it. Instead use the time you’re not stuck in the kitchen cooking to enjoy your beautiful kids- which j know you do. You’re a fantastic mum and you are doing the very best for those two. My parent split when I was young and to be how at it has never really affected me on the ways my mum was so scared it would. I have so much more respect for her because she put her head down and got on with it, so to speak, and while corners may have been cut we were never in doubt that she loved us. That’s what the kids will remember too. X x x x

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