Finding love again…
Possibly the cheesiest blog title I’ve ever written. I’m allowed a bit of cheese aren’t? Lord know’s I’ve drank enough wine to allow a bit of cheese.
Anyway, I’ve probably said this in every single post for a while now but I’m going to say it again once more with feeling… things have been TOUGH…. tough tough tough. Shit and emotional and crazily complicated. Everything has changed; finances, living arrangements, relationships with many people, routines and probably other things that don’t come to mind right now. Aspects of my life that were once terribly important to me have swiftly taken a back seat (such as my blog – *ahem*) to make room for clawing through aftermaths.
But, with 2016 well underway now, I want to look back on one of my favourite memories of 2015 and remember it as a new beginning rather than a sad end. It certainly hasn’t all been wine and tissues.
I’ll take you back to the beginning of April…
It had only been a few months since my marriage had ended so I was naturally still feeling fairly tender from the ordeal – probably an understatement. The kiddies were at their dad’s so I was doing my usual rattling about the house routine with a bit of wallowing thrown in. I heard a spraying sound coming from outside so I opened the front door to find my neighbour jet washing the steps. Even though I’d lived next door to her for a good 5 years, for whatever reason, we hadn’t really chatted much before but I decided to take the opportunity to explain my/our change in circumstances in case I forget to put the bins out… which I still do, every single week. After hearing what had happened, my neighbour (who’s turned out to be an absolute gem) told me I should come round one night for some vino with the other girls who live there and said if I needed anything at all just to knock on. Sure enough, I went round and it turned out that for years I’d been living next door to people I get on with really well. That’s a nice story but not the story. Bare with me.
That night we were chatting quite a bit about dating. I was by no means ready to get out there and find the love of my life but the prospect of dating seemed like a fun way to fill my time and restore a bit of lost confidence. Although, some of the experiences they’d had with online dating did make me wince a little. I’ll leave that there for now though.
Anyway, after questioning me about what kind of guys I liked, it seemed that a guy one of the girls worked with was ticking all the boxes, so much so that it almost seemed too good to be true. At this point I think she showed me some pictures and told me about how lovely he is saying he’d been over recently to do some jobs around the house for them and cooked them tea. He loves music, is in a band and his situation was fairly similar to mine – albeit a bit more planned. He’d separated from his wife around the same time and also had two little kiddies – so I figured we’d at least have lots to chat about.
With little to lose, I reluctantly agreed to the potential of a meet up, provided that he was made aware of the fact that I certainly wasn’t open to anything serious – I mean, I’d be mad to jump into something straight away, right?
On the 4th April I received my first message and after lots of chatting we arranged to go to my neighbour’s birthday get-together somewhere local – which was only a couple of days away. He works a short distance from my house so he said he’d come straight over from work so we could walk there together. We chatted pretty much constantly up until the date came around – it seemed he had the same silly sense of humour as me and we had loads in common. The more we chatted the more bothered I was about whether he’d like me or not and as the clock edged towards the 8.15pm on the Wednesday he was due to pick me up, the more and more nervous I grew.
Then the door goes.
Before downing my last bit of wine and checking my lippy, I open the door and look down the steps to see this very very handsome (and tall) man stood outside my gate clutching some flowers. What a sweetheart.
From that point on I don’t think there was even one awkward silence – we walked and chatted and drank until the early morning – time just seemed to completely fly by. Something changed in me that night… and I’ll never forget it.
After our whirlwind date, I did eventually agree to another. The apprehension was down to the obvious really, I questioned my gut instincts, wondering whether I was feeling how I was for the wrong reasons, knowing exactly what others would think if I attempted to jump into something else so soon after my marriage had ended. It’s not the “normal” transition and at that time I was doing lots of reading on separation with the majority of literature recommending giving yourself a year to reflect before even considering dating again. Wow.
But I’d not trusted my gut instict about so many other things in the past when I wish I had and for the first time in months I was smiling again – like, properly smiling… the kind of beam you get that comes from the bottom of your tummy.
….. and it was love. Absolute, undeniable, unquestionable love.
That date, that leap of faith I took, has lead me to hope and dare I say excitement for the future. And just in case you still haven’t thrown up yet, I’ll leave you with a little video I made of some of the many happy times I’ve had in 2015…
His name is Dave btw…. my Dave xx